Regret

Writing in the first person is an abhorrent thing, but at the same time that’s what lyricists do when they open themselves up through song and it’s quite vulnerable. Often, they write from their perspective using “I” statements and it doesn’t cheapen the meaning. In fact, it deepens it. Nevertheless, it’s not really my style of writing, but this subject is different, and we humans relate to music on a personal level – not one or two persons removed. That’s part of its power.

Given my high regard for songwriters and musicians, I thought I’d take a stab at writing in the first person about the New Order song, Regret, due to the deeply personal feelings it invokes in me. Indeed, that’s the power of song – it unites us all. Music is truly magical.

There’s really nothing that can bring people together the way song can – it’s a god-like ability that we mere mortals possess here on Planet Earth. We’d be fools not to avail ourselves of it on whatever level we can – as musicians, writers, and/or listeners. You have to lose yourself in song. New Order gets that. Duran Duran gets that. Not every artist understands that, but they do. (We can talk about The Doors another day and that window into the unconscious they provide through their shamanistic performances and early use of synths to transport the listener to another dimension.)

And very few bands are able to express raw, human emotion in such a relatable way in both song and verse as New Order and Duran Duran. The bands came from the post-punk movement and the second British invasion – one from Manchester (aka “Madchester”) and the other from Birmingham’s New Romantic scene, respectively, but what they have most in common is their deep roots in dance music. At the most basic level, they’re part of the amazing new wave in music.

Few lyricists can share their feelings with what some would call cryptic metaphors and evasive words, as many have said of Duran Duran’s Simon Le Bon and New Order’s Bernard Sumner, but their lyrics do make sense. You just have to stop for a minute and think about the words, and listen to the music, which also tells the story – in sound. It’s an art to tell a story or share an experience in sound and vision, to quote David Bowie, and they do it. And of course, both bands loved and looked up to Bowie – their slightly senior elder – with Duran Duran even touring with him. And punk. They drew inspiration from the punk scene.

In any event, what’s also beautiful is that both Simon and Bernard take a similar approach to song writing and understanding, as well. Perhaps it’s the zeitgeist. They want the listener to interpret the song as they would an ink blot, and they write through a stream of consciousness, sometimes in narrative form and other times more abstractly, but it’s never a direct line from personal experience – it’s somewhere in between (in The Twilight Zone?) – which makes the words so relatable and digestible to us masses.

That’s the magic of music – that very human element within us which helps us express the highs and lows of life and everything in between – all through the power of song and pure emotion. We’ve called people to war with music. We’ve celebrated life and birth with music, death and sorrow with music, happiness and glee with music, escapism and bliss with music – all of life’s travails and triumphs.

What’s incredible about music is that you remember the lyrics, always – 1 year later, 5 years later, 10 years later, 20 years later, and dare I say 30 or more years later. You remember the melody, the beat. You remember it all. The brain does that, and it’s hardwired to do that for a reason. Song is a part of who we are as a people. It brings us together. The older you get, the more there is to regret, but you never forget an important song, ever. That’s the magic of music. It’s evolutionary and revolutionary.

So what brings us here now is that I’ve had the thought of regret on my mind lately, as many Gen X do (Just ask us or read the YouTube comments for the official music video…man, it’s painful, the stories from us Xers), and I’ve been on a New Order kick. I’ve also been thinking about my resolve to never live a life of regret. There isn’t time for it.

The song was a gift from the ether that came into my mind as next up, so I played it. I’d be a fool not to listen. I didn’t know it perfectly matched how I felt. It just seemed right.

Now, when Regret came out in ’93, I was having the time of my life. I met the most interesting and special people I have ever known. Because this was the era of pre-internet for most people and we didn’t have cell phones as the norm, amazing people would come and go from my life when they moved, and I just lost touch. It didn’t seem feasible to keep up, so I didn’t, which is stupid (but the young mind doesn’t think too far ahead). Others died, or got sick. Some have married and divorced, experienced birth and more death. Things changed, so we became lost souls over the years. But I remember, I remember. Thank God for our ability to remember, but that’s not good enough. Life is for the living.

By chance, I’ve been in touch with a few of these wondrous souls. But by and large, the magic of others came and went too quickly for me. So I turn to New Order. I need to know someone else has felt this way. I need to know someone still feels this way. I need to get through it. I need to know that they got through it, and that we can all get through it – that we have each other, still, through the magic of music. I just need to know that someone can relate, and Bernard can. He always can. Bernard is such a sensitive soul.

At the time he wrote the lyrics to Regret, the band was having difficulties, and they had to produce the record, Republic (an allusion to Plato’s Republic…mind you), or go bankrupt. Right about the time it seemed that America, the great empire, was falling, the band too, may fail. That added to the pressure. This is not to take away from any of the album’s accomplishments. This is merely to say that Bernard and the band were feeling what was under the surface, the unsaid and unconscious – probably before Bernard was fully conscious of what was going on and he was able to access those feelings in only the way that song can allow. That’s the magic of music.

Bernard had also gone through a divorce in ’89 and remarried in the early 90s. He was 37 years old in ’93. It could be that he was at a crossroads as a new father who was approaching mid-life, looking back at what was and how that felt now that he’s finally settled (that would explain the authentic joy we hear in the song and see in the video).

Some have said that Regret is about the trials of celebrity and the troubles of touring, of putting down your roots. Then, you wrap in the challenges the band was having and how they took a 5 year break after Republic, and it makes you wonder. The song could be a combination of all these things.

What’s lovely about the way Bernard writes is that these ideas may have been under the surface and he allowed himself the space to access them, thanks to his process. He drinks wine and introspects with his keen self-awareness. He accessed this latent unconscious and shared it with us as a gift. Not many can do that, but Bernard Sumner can. I mean, he hypnotized Ian Curtis. Think about it. He has his methods. What a sensitive soul.

The unconscious is where we share feelings and emotions in common with others – it’s the realm at which we access eternal Truth; it’s where minds meet. It’s the 4th Dimension. We just have to access it, so I have tried to, too. New Order can transport you there. They take me to a certain place.

I’ve had Regret on my mind as I ponder my own relationship to regret. That song will always have a special place in my heart and it will forever remind me of better times. New Order is nostalgia. This song and the band will always represent a time in my life when things were the best, when anything was possible.

So I thought it might be nice to analyze Regret from my perspective in light of this swirling sea of considerations and emotions. What’s good is that everyone’s got their own interpretation of it, so don’t come for me if you don’t agree. Just move on, without regret.

Let’s start with the striking artwork, as one can expect from New Order’s long-time graphic artist Peter Seville.

It appears as though we have a man and a woman, traveling together at sunset by horse. Gotta light? Sure. Friends or lovers? Not sure. Is this what was or what could have been? Who knows, but it’s a striking scene as they strike a match and possibly a flame.

The image is framed in time, surrounded by water on the outside and a mesmerizing red and orange sunset in the background as the backdrop to this story of regret. Beautiful.

The opening guitar riff is catchy – it makes you want to dance and celebrate – but it’s hauntingly longing, too. Why the polarity? (because it’s New Order!)

It’s interesting that New Order writes the music first, and then Bernard adds the lyrics through his process, often alone, but sometimes with others. I wonder what his process was this time. Often, it involves wine.

When he sings, he sounds like he’s yearning for something. He sounds dreamy. What is he yearning for? Why does he have a wounded heart?

He sounds lofty when he says “you used to be a stranger, now you’re mine.” That’s a choice. Bernard thinks about everything he does.

The lyrics are a bit misleading. Is this a tale of sorrow or celebration? Of moving past regret or wallowing in it?

It’s helpful to work backwards. Start with the song’s outro to understand it’s meaning.

The lyrics follow with a breakdown afterward. See what you think for yourself.

[Verse 1]
Maybe I’ve forgotten the name and the address
Of everyone I’ve ever known, it’s nothing I regret
Save it for another day; it’s the school exam
The kids have run away

[Chorus 1]
I would like a place I could call my own
Have a conversation on the telephone
Wake up every day, that would be a start
I would not complain of my wounded heart
I was upset, you see, almost all the time
You used to be a stranger, now you are mine

[Verse 2]
I wouldn’t even trust you, I’ve not got much to give
We’re dealing in the limits, and we don’t know who with
You may think that I’m out of hand, that I’m naive, I’ll understand
On this occasion it’s not true
Look at me, I’m not you

[Chorus 2]
I would like a place I could call my own
Have a conversation on the telephone
Wake up every day, that would be a start
I would not complain of my wounded heart
I was a short fuse burning all the time
You were a complete stranger, now you are mine

[Chorus 3]
I would like a place I could call my own
Have a conversation on the telephone
Wake up every day, that would be a start
I would not complain about my wounded heart

[Outro]
Just wait till tomorrow
I guess that’s what they all say
Just before they fall apart

I think verse 1 is the future state that the singer wishes he was in, not his actual state. Why? We end with being him sad, waiting for the hope of tomorrow – the thought of which is breaking him because he knows his sad reality is that of a lonely rolling stone. But he must push the averse thought aside to have hope for tomorrow, as school children do when they flee from a test, but he’s not a young man anymore.

So the chorus tells the real tale. He would like a place he can call his own. He wants to settle down, and talk to old friends or lovers, if only he had their number. He’d have a reason to get up in the morning and feel love for the person of his dreams, this stranger, who he’s with now. He was upset all the time before they connected again, in his fantasy, that is.

Perhaps he was impatient and left a new relationship once or romanticized about an acquaintance. For whatever reason, it is a love unrequited or lost. That’s why he has a wounded heart. He wants that chance.

The second verse is a bit tougher to decipher. It seems that if they became involved with each other now, he would have his doubts about his ability to offer his love anything of worth. The future isn’t open anymore; the sky isn’t the limit (as in the song’s cover image). Maybe we are at the sunset of his life, not the sunrise. But maybe he’s a changed man.

And he wants to do it anyway, in reckless abandon, but he doesn’t see it as reckless. He’s begging his love to reconsider. He’s pleading for a chance before repeating the chorus – his wish again and repeating the chorus until the sad ending.

It sounds like the thoughtful longing of a man who wants to reconnect with his lost love, but cannot. There’s joy at the thought of what was or what could have been, but there’s sorrow because it has been lost and he’s longing, longing.

The song ends with the same sorrowful, yet joyful guitar riff and the singer’s resignation to regret as we fade into black.

Regret

February 2, 2024February 19, 2024 / Tigereye / Leave a comment

The Return… of the Man Who Stole a Leopard

The Banality of Evil: A Fairy Story

Photo of a snow leopard crouching to pounce in green grass.

“Snow Leopard” by Captain Chickenpants is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

No-no-Notorious
Notorious
I can’t read about it
Burns the skin from your eyes
I’ll do fine without it
Here’s one you don’t compromise
Lies come hard in disguise
They need to fight it out
Not wild about it
Lay your seedy judgements
Who says they’re part of our lives?

You own the money
You control the witness
I’ll leave you lonely
Don’t monkey with my business
You pay the prophets to justify your reasons
I heard your promise, but I don’t believe it.

That’s why I’ve done it again.

No-no-Notorious

Why such a strong start? Well, some of us have to cope with challenges to reality with art.

*******

Skin Trade, Photo by cottonbro studio

It all started with a handshake between “good-looking” White Men … “the successful business merger.” Now, Leopard is Invisible because of it.

“Some joke, huh,” Leopard thinks. “We’ll see who gets the last laugh. Karma’s a bigger bitch than I am,” she thought. She did wonder, though, “How will I survive in the Wild while The Beasts keep me caged? How’d it happen anyway? How did I get here? Why does it keep happening? What can I do to stop it?”

It began one afternoon as Captain Chickenpants entered the meeting room late, disorganized, and disheveled, his usual MO. He had no good reason for his usual state; it’s not like he had a family, like Leopard who was successfully managing his affairs and the business of this great state we call the land of…well, Rumor has that one under lock and key.

Nevertheless, this literal rock star rolled into the meeting well after it started, expecting everyone to just drop everything for him. Captain Chickenpants was very used to people catering to him as a local celebrity.

As Chickenpants entered the meeting room, Chief Damntheman looked him in the eyes, gave him The Shake, and proceeded to make a motion to move the monies from Leopard’s protective watch to his wife’s careful guard, a clear conflict of interest that Leopard raised during the meeting only to be met with viscous disapproval.

Chief Damntheman’s wife was known as The Wicked Witch by Leopard – a name given to her by Leopard after she revealed her true colors, mind you. Before that, she gained Leopard’s trust. She was the “steward” of “higher” education, after all – another tough Texan with a background in psychology and education. So what could go wrong? She was ethical and trustworthy, right? I mean, you have to be to work in the field, right? Right?!

It was unfathomable to Leopard that the Wicked Witch could be anything but trustworthy due to her professional background, and being trained in the same discipline herself, Leopard gave the Wicked Witch the benefit of the doubt, at first. But later, her sinister plans were revealed.

“Leopard doesn’t know shit anyway,” Damntheman recalled as he thought of her quick wit and wild ways, even though he knew that she had been “tamed,” so to speak. Mind you, anything that anyone else did the same as Leopard was given a free pass, but Leopard? Nah, anything she does is wrong, bad, evil! (They say this so They can steal and copy Leopard – pretend she’s “crazy” to jack her shit. This is gaslighting at its finest.)

Damntheman was of the “respectability politics” camp and They always knew that Leopard didn’t belong, but she’d sure bust her ass for you and she happens to know her shit like fire, so why not use her ’till she’s dried up and then throw her to the wolves?

Hungry Like the Wolf | Photo by Steve

Damntheman owns many businesses throughout the state – from medical to commercial properties – and has his tentacles in both the public and private sectors, in addition to being a real estate broker and politico. The guy’s a regular empire builder and he’s embedded everywhere – well known and loved by both sides of the political spectrum, but known to be a double-crosser and liar of the deep state variety.

So when Damntheman thought just how “easy” Leopard would be to jack to himself, Captain Chickenpants responded silently in kind during the meeting. “Roger that,” he said to Damntheman in his creepy-assed telepathic mind as they met eyes.

Never mind that “the successful business merger” was a clear conflict of interest. Damntheman was married to the Wicked Witch, who worked in a key position for the Queen of Old Hexico.

“There’s nothing to see here,” They acted as they whistled in the wind.

Leopard knew there was a problem and it was her duty to report it so when Leopard felt safe, she told the Powers that Be and she gave it up to God, as they say. Naturally, “They” came for her when she did that and They came for her again when she tried to rectify the situation, yet again, and again, and again, and again, ad infinitum. And here she remains to this day, entrapped.

Who are They anyway? They know a lot, don’t They? They do, whomever They are (usually public relations snakes and politicians).

The Union of the Snake | Photo by Donald Tong

Leopard knew what happened wasn’t ethical and it wasn’t Right, but it was a done deal. Leopard always knew there was no justice in this world, so she wasn’t surprised. She expected it. After They ultimately took her charge away from her and the rest of the pride, she carried on with the rest of her life in the absence of any Pride due to Their abuse. They handed her contract to the Opposition – a collective of animals who were originally on her side and under her charge free from the constraints of bullshit, but Damntheman and The Wicked Witch coaxed the Others onto their side; They came for Leopard with all of Their Might over what was Right – and animals they were. They tore her to shreds and locked her up in a gilded cage.

Leopard tried to lick her wounds and limp along in captivity but Captain Chickenpants and Chief Damntheman would not leave her alone. They would not let her out of her trap, nor let the beatings subside! ”Leopard knows too much,” They thought silently to themselves. “And Leopard talks. That bitch has a way with words. We must annihilate her!” “They” were scared, so They determined to Rule with an Iron Fist, and they beat Leopard some more, and then again and again and again. Just as Leopard would heal from one round of wounds, They would be ready to dole out more, never once letting her recover from any round of beatings as a form of psychological warfare.

“If we can’t kill her literally, we’ll just do it slowly over time and maybe Leopard will do the work for us, if you know what I mean…” thought Damntheman.

“I do,” thought Captain Chickenpants.

“They didn’t think to buy me off with a legal settlement and NDA?” Leopard wondered throughout the beatings. “They were actually going to blackmail me instead? Frame me? Entrap me? I guess since I’m not already wealthy and powerful, a settlement isn’t an option for folks like us. We just get crushed. Ok! (not really).”

“What a ‘manly’ reaction,” Leopard thought. “How does this help anyone, such as the other animals who I worked so hard to protect? It hurts, and it hurts ME MOST!” she thought as her wounds oozed with infection. “Why fight the good fight?” she now wonders. “Do good when no one is looking. Karma is a bitch.” Leopard finds solace in those words.

Hell, it was an easy move to make. The structure of Leopard’s trap wasn’t a fair one, but Leopard tried to make it so. She knew that the ever-connected Damntheman had traps set everywhere. Despite this, she tried to give freedom to all animals on earth. Leopard managed to do this with equality and fairness until she had to tend to her own private needs. Therefore, when Leopard was pregnant with her first cub and again with her second, They came for her. The merger happened just as she birthed her first child. Leopard was in no position to battle as she once was, but this new soldier will fight with fire and so will her brother, the Wolf.

A View to a Kill | Photo by Darshak Pandya

Leopard was, and still is, a hard working, trusting, and well-meaning sort of Leopard, so inside of her cage she remains to this day, a victim of entrapment. The beatings still occur when the heavens flare up (such as when the sun or moon are in Scorpio). It’s like They know when it happens with their sixth senses, so they strike at that time to keep Leopard in her place, tightly held in her prison.

Naturally, evil enters the hearts of the weak and the faint, so everyone in the wild fell pray to what transpired. They didn’t resist it. They didn’t fight it, as they once had. They didn’t even know what was Good anymore. All they saw was profit by partnering with Damntheman and Chickenpants – CYA. They saved their own asses. They compromised their standards for selfishness and profit, for greed…

Now just remember, there’s always a backstory, and there’s more to this one.

What happened to Leopard sounds a lot like the plot to Animal Farm by George Orwell, the prophet. Every person who can read in the United States has *hopefully* read Animal Farm. It used to be required reading and should still be required in areas where it is not. You can read it now. There’s nothing stopping you, and of course you should also read Nineteen Eighty-Four by the same soothsayer and generally awaken your mind so you don’t fall pray to anyone.

Orwell’s recurrent themes center on the banality of evil in the form of human corruption within institutions and systems. In particular, he was obsessed with the rejection of totalitarianism and his contemporaries for their failure to protest against the corrupt world they lived in and well, we might have a case of that here. You see, the animals rose against Leopard because “They” dangled red meat before them in the form of Leopard’s contract – cash and power. Rather than side with Right as they had always done against these long assaults from the Forces – who were trying to take down Leopard for two decades – they took the side of Might.

The move to take Leopard’s charge was made fully during a worldwide plandemic of Biblical proportions. The Forces put the nail in Leopard’s coffin when the world was weak this time, as Evil does – They struck when everyone was down, not just Leopard. The other animals were made to turn against Leopard, based on lies spread by The Wicked Witch, Damntheman, and Chickenpants. Had they any shred of integrity or wisdom themselves, they would not have fallen for such lies, but they were promised a major cash reward for going along with the plan.

Leopard knew that old MO. It was the same red meat that Damtheman dangled before Leopard after she had her first cub. Damntheman promised to secure the monies for Leopard unprovoked. Leopard never asked for unfair advantage. It was quite the opposite – Leopard believes in merit, not collusion.

“It helps to have an ace in the hole,” Damntheman told Leopard as he illegally awarded the contract to Leopard’s agency.

“But I never asked for this…this is wrong,” thought Leopard. Leopard had no one to tell. Her board was in on the fix. So was the Queen.

Therefore, when the winds of change blew the other direction and The Forces decided that Leopard was too independent and objective – truly mission-based, in other words, They decided it was time to strike, as she had outlived her usefulness and must be “put to pasture…permanently…and silenced,” They thought.

“Yes, Leopard knows too much…and the bitch remembers, too,” Damntheman thought and he conveyed his orders to eliminate Leopard to Captain Chickenpants.

“Roger that” Captain Chickenpants thought in his creepy-assed telepathic mind.

But don’t worry, because time will tell the story and so will this author – in other words, in other worlds…

Twelve voices were shouting in anger, and they were all alike. No question, now, what had happened to the faces of the pigs. The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.

– Animal Farm, George Orwell

Still Breathing | Photo by Samira

A wild animal can turn into a corrupt, “domesticated” Human, as in Animal Farm. It can turn against the Good it had in nature before it became something Other, that which is tapped into the Bad. It’s social Darwinism. So why be Human, then, in a world with no Mercy?

No matter what you call it, a pig is still a pig. Go ahead – put lipstick on it. It is what it is. You’re not gonna change it. And in that sense, being piggish is exactly what this fairy tale is about.
(Breaks down the 4th Wall to the 5th Dimension)

Are you trapped on Manor Farm, too? Or are you entrapped, like Leopard?

Would you rather live with the animals who are wild and free, as Leopard once was?

You decide. These are social constructs of your own device.

The Return… of the Man Who Stole a Leopard

November 15, 2023February 19, 2024 / Tigereye / Leave a comment

Danse Macabre

Duran Duran’s new single will be out on 8.30.23!

Danse Macabre

August 23, 2023February 19, 2024 / Tigereye / Leave a comment

Watch for the Cons of Digital Marketing with AI & Take a Lesson from Rod Serling’s Uncle Simon

Use of AI in Digital Marketing

In the 21^st century, the use of artificial intelligence (AI) is growing to replace people who perform repetitive tasks. As this change occurs, communications specialists must consider the ethics of using artificial intelligence in the digital marketing space as a civic and professional duty. Like any tool, whether it is good or bad depends on how you use it.

In many ways, AI helps streamline systematic processes, like building media lists and scheduling pitches, but anyone who works with journalists can tell you – it’s all about the human touch. And it’s about judgment – that which can’t be replaced by AI – knowing when to pitch, whom to pitch, how to pitch, what to pitch, and so on. That’s good old-fashioned humans at work. However, it sure would help to have AI do some repetitive tasks to save hours of time.

Ethics of AI in Digital Marketing

It is important to explore ethical considerations before acting in business or any pursuit in life. The question of whether or not you should do something is the concern of ethics. In digital marketing and communications, technology must not get too far ahead of human understanding or control of it because there are always unintended consequences.

Should AI evolve unchecked? If so, can you live with the unintended consequences?

On the surface, it would seem to be an age-old concern: society evolves, people get nervous because something important and significant changes their lives, and they question it. In time, they learn to embrace the new when they learn it’s safe, as human evolution and techne are primal needs and instincts. The problem arises when humans embrace techne too soon.

Technology is evolving at a faster rate than humans, who must evolve along with it. However, in many ways, humans seem fairly devolved so primitive biases and tendencies find their way into the technology people develop and use. Ethics controls for that. Some companies have ethics and some don’t. Be aware of this as you consider using AI.

Rod Serling addresses the strife between humans and AI in many episodes of his critically acclaimed television series, The Twilight Zone. An analysis of one relevant episode follows after considering the cons to lay the framework.

Cons of AI in Digital Marketing

The use of AI in every sector and industry is nothing new at this point in human development. The business sector has used AI since the rise of “big data” in the 90s and 00s, which is the age of data collection at a rate too high for people to process. With this comes new concerns, like the invasion of privacy and informed consent, and psychological issues related to addiction and self-image. AI promotes bias, groupthink, and stereotypes, to name a few of its shortcomings. People can’t process information and emotions at the rate they receive them.

AI software is programmed with algorithms designed by humans. All humans have biases, according to social scientists. Therefore, the human or small group of humans programming the technology ingrain their biases into the system.

For example, an AI application for job recruitment called GROW put a glass ceiling on candidates through its software – not on purpose, but due to latent biases from the designer and clients as they misapplied it.

The problem with GROW is that it uses an algorithm to learn about a user’s personality and performance on tasks and tests that are deemed important to employers, without having the research to back up employer use of these traits.

Over time, GROW used the references and connections of people using the platform to recruit the peers of candidates who used the system and were screened as good prospects. By doing this and focusing on a small population of college students, GROW cultivated and rewarded certain character traits in people and penalized other, undesirable personality traits.

A lot of major companies use GROW and continue to use it to this day. Many misuse GROW in their screening process while others use it to screen in candidates – a positive. It’s not all negative, thankfully, and AI can have its uses, but these are some of the cons – stereotyping and discrimination.

As you embrace AI’s use in your media or marketing business, you must ask a few fundamental questions about the ethics of AI in digital marketing, such as:

Is it right or wrong to use AI in digital marketing? In what ways do you plan to use it?
What are the long-term consequences of certain AI technologies in the digital marketing space and what will be your digital footprint?
Is the AI you’re using helping or harming society according to your definition of the greater good?

What’s the answer to these questions? Who knows!

The challenge with ethics is that it’s entirely personal. At Tigereye, systematizing the very thing that we, as a society, worked to undo is unsettling, and that is ending discrimination in the workplace. Misuse of AI risks reversing decades of progress. However, using AI to streamline systematic tasks seems promising.

If you use AI, be careful. Your private client and personal information can get hacked if you’re not cautious, or the AI itself can get jacked and used to prank or gaslight you. Be careful if using any AI features that overwrite a human’s ability to stop the AI from any task through a “kill switch” of sorts.

Case in Point: Uncle Simon

Opening Narration

Dramatis personae: Mr. Simon Polk, a gentleman who has lived out his life in a gleeful rage; and the young lady who’s just beat the hasty retreat is Mr. Polk’s niece, Barbara. She has lived her life as if during each ensuing hour she had a dentist appointment. There is yet a third member of the company soon to be seen. He now resides in the laboratory and he is the kind of character to be found only in the Twilight Zone.

“Robby the Robot” in The Twilight Zone
Image: IMBD

In an episode of Rod Serling’s Twilight Zone television series called Uncle Simon, Simon Polk is an ailing, sadistic scientist who derives great pleasure from causing other people’s emotional pain. His niece, Barbara, has been taking care of him for 25 long and painful years as his only heir. She stays because she wants his inheritance.

Simon invented a robot that he hides in his laboratory and keeps secret from Barbara. When Simon slips and falls after an altercation between the two, Simon dies and his niece inherits his estate under the condition that she watch after his science projects, with one in particular mentioned as needing “special care.”

Barbara finally learns what’s in the lab – a robot Simon named after himself that he designed to learn from its environment – AI. The robot had latently picked up on Simon’s negative behaviors and those behaviors become gradually expressed in the robot until it acts and talks exactly like Simon, insults and all. If only Barbara had the kill switch, but the AI was programmed to take over. She even knocked the robot down to kill it, but it just hobbled around, insulting her.

Constance Ford and Robby the Robot in The Twilight Zone
Image: IMBD

Similar to how the robot uses latent code it stores from Simon, the scientist, people program their own biases into AI algorithms that cause the AI to learn those biases and perpetuate them as it collects more data. Most don’t do it on purpose, though, as Simon has done. In GROW, the employers introduced bias when they added “client-defined characteristics” in search of “ideal” candidates, and it was likely unintentional. However, don’t let your insatiable desire to grow and expand your business’s capacity through AI cost you in the adverse effects it may bring long-term – case in point, Uncle Simon.

Closing Narration

Dramatis personae, a metal man who’ll go by the name of Simon, whose life as well as his body has been stamped out for him; and the woman who tends to him, the lady Barbara, who’s discovered belatedly that all bad things don’t come to an end, and that once a bed is made, it’s quite necessary that you sleep in it. Tonight’s uncomfortable little exercise in avarice and automatons, from the Twilight Zone.

Watch for the Cons of Digital Marketing With AI & Take a Lesson from Rod Serling’s Uncle Simon

February 2, 2023February 19, 2024 / Tigereye / Leave a comment

To “Serve” Man?

We Come in Peace?

Today, quite by accident, we rewatched an episode of the Twilight Zone called To Serve Man. We’ve been rewatching the series with our children in order to teach them well, and we’ve been viewing the episodes in order. Today, this episode was up. We make a point of rewatching the show every few years to keep its themes fresh in our mind, lest we forget its important lessons. So it was quite the coincidence indeed, given that Thanksgiving is in just a few days and the episode centers around colonization and the evolution of humans, or de-evolution more appropriately. This theme comes up time again in The Twilight Zone and in Rod Serling’s other work, like Planet of the Apes. There are some powerful lessons to be learned there, if you care to listen.

In short, To Serve Man is about colonists who are similar to Christopher Columbus traveling to The New World. In this case, aliens from another sphere travel to a new world, which is Planet Earth. The episode is a classic, known as one of the greatest episodes in television history due to its incredible plot twist and equally powerful message.

Almost everyone on Planet Earth has seen it. If you recall watching it for the first time, you’ll remember feeling your heart drop when you realize that the book, To Serve Man, which was delivered to the humans of earth by aliens called Kanamits, is not what it appears to be at all. In fact, the book ends up being a cookbook with recipes on how to serve man as a dish and not as a public servant since “To Serve Man” can be interpreted in a number of ways.

The Kanamits land on earth with the book in hand and leave it behind after meeting with world leaders to share news of how they come in peace. The earthlings find it and are perplexed by it. The title and text are written in the Kanamit’s language, so cryptologists work to decipher the title, To Serve Man. The humans think the aliens have arrived to help them as public servants just as they said they would, but a few people remain skeptical.

Over time, the Kanamits gain the earthlings’ trust. They offer the humans state-of-the-art technology. They promise to heal the world with their techne and create a regular Garden of Eden on earth. As it turns out, they are lying to the the humans but the people of earth are unaware until it’s too late and their literal goose is cooked. You see, “To Serve Man” can also be taken quite literally, as in serving man as a dish to eat. The Kanamits successfully trick the humans into visiting their home planet where they are well fed and then served as a meal. It’s a brilliant play on words that tricks the humans into their utter demise.

The story is a familiar one unfortunately, much like the history of colonists who came to the Americas with new technology and an empty promise to help the native peoples with it. Indeed, the colonists poisoned the native people during the harvest celebration known as “Thanksgiving.” Talk about kismet in terms of timing. That happens to us a lot.

When the Kanamits first land on earth, the humans are initially skeptical of them and they charge the US military with the task of deciphering the text to determine whether they are friend or foe. Humans from around the world work through the United Nations to understand these alien creatures and they use their own technology to analyze the Kanamits. The humans even give a lie detector test to the Kanamit’s leader, who passes with flying colors.

Never do the humans imagine that they might be anthropomorphizing the Kanamits. No, they don’t question it. Over time, the humans come to trust Kanamits and even agree to visit their planet. In exchange, the Kanamits bring more of their kind to Planet Earth, but the humans never return. Instead, they are imprisoned on the Kanamit’s home planet after being duped to travel there.

Michael Chambers, lead cryptologist and protagonist, is tricked into traveling to the Kanamit’s alien planet before he learns about their true intentions. Chambers is warned by his assistant that the aliens are actually lethal when she deciphers the text and learns the real meaning of “To Serve Man.” Chambers realizes that evolution never changes – whether human or alien – as he worriedly waits to be served as a meal in a prison cell on the alien’s home planet.

No matter how technologically advanced a race may be – whether human or alien – base desires remain. Greed remains. Deceit remains. There will always be the drive to trick, hunt, and conquer in the desperate quest for survival – if one has no morals.

We couldn’t have rewatched this episode at a better time. Coincidences like this always happen to us with the Twilight Zone. Make of that what you will. We’ve decided to write about it in the hope that the message isn’t lost on the world.

Below is a case in point. We last blogged about To Serve Man on March 30, 2021 and it originally aired on March 2, 1962. At the time, we felt it was kismet, too. We just happened to be rewatching this episode then. What a coincidence. Perhaps something is in the ether, some sort of universal truth on which we’re picking up.

That blog post follows, with slight revisions. It’s an analysis of the episode on a much deeper level, as if it couldn’t get any deeper.

Original Post

The Beginning

🎶 [Cue spooky music] 🎶

You’re traveling through another dimension, a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of the imagination. Next stop, The Twilight Zone! 💫

Opening Narration

Respectfully submitted for your perusal – a Kanamit
Height: a little over nine feet.
Weight: in the neighborhood of three hundred and fifty pounds.
Origin: unknown.
Motives?
Therein hangs the tale, for in just a moment, we’re going to ask you to shake hands, figuratively, with a Christopher Columbus from another galaxy and another time. This is the Twilight Zone. 💫

Plot Summary & Analysis

At a United Nations news conference, the Secretary General announces the landing of aliens on earth. An alien known as a “Kanamit” communicates by telepathy to the delegates and journalists. The alien ambassador says its kind will provide humanitarian aid through technology to all peoples of the world if only the people of earth would TRUST them. They promise to end famine and war. They say they will help the earthlings with endless, inexpensive atomic power to meet the world’s needs. They promise a regular Garden of Eden.

The Kanamit, who may also be known as a Candidate (if you listen to the subliminal message very carefully, you’ll hear the resemblance in words), leaves a book called To Serve Man (in Kanamit) behind as it silently exits the press conference without further telepathic comment. Yes, the Kanamits communicate with their minds and do not speak words.

The US assigns a cryptographer to decipher the title. Surely, if earthlings can determine the alien creature’s motives, then they can learn whether to trust them and return to the land of milk and honey only dreamed of in fantasies and Bible stories.

The reluctant and suspicious US team cracks the title of the mysterious book, “To Serve Man.” It seems positive to them, as they ponder the Candidate’s intentions. They believe the Kanamits to some degree now, some more so than others. Over time, they learn to embrace the Kanamits. They set their reservation aside. The leader of the Kanamits even submits to a polygraph test at the request of UN delegates, so trust in the Kanamits is cemented.

The aliens end world hunger and warfare. They provide an abundance of energy. It’s too good to be true. It is important to the Kanamits that the innocent earthlings be willing participants in their own conquest. Eventually, the Kanamits succeed in establishing embassies in EVERY CITY ON EARTH and the humans willingly let them do it.

Now that the basic needs of earth are met, the humans are ready for an adventure. The Kanamits subsequently begin to caravan the willing and curious earthlings by spacecraft to their home planet for a “vacation” in what they claim to be their own Garden of Eden, a land of milk and honey.

Just as the lead cryptologist is boarding their spaceship for a visit, his assistant lets him know that SHE (an important plot point) deciphered the remaining text!

The code breaker then explains the mysterious book’s meaning to her lost comrade as the alien spaceship scoops him away to his fate on the Kanamit’s home planet just before he can break free. He is trapped. They got him. By then, it’s too late as he’s forced into the spaceship against his will. While living in prison on the alien planet, the cryptologist resists cooperating with the Kanamits.

The Kanamit who duped him mocks the imprisoned American while attempting to fatten its prey, and he refuses to eat in protest. His rage is palpable – his despair relatable – and in time he breaks down. The imprisoned cryptologist finally ends his long-term fast in despair and enters a state of hopelessness. At long last, our fallen hero succumbs to his fate and eats his own kind as a broken man, out of surrender. What will be … will be? You see, the Kanamits fed the humans each other to eat. What a metaphor.

As the episode concludes, the cryptologist breaks what is known as the 4^th Wall in performance. It’s the invisible, imaginary barrier that separates actors from the audience. It’s a wall rarely broken and when it is the effect is powerful if used correctly. And the protagonist, Michael Chambers, asks the audience:

How about you? You still on Earth, or on the ship with me? Really doesn’t make very much difference, because sooner or later, we’ll all of us be on the menu… all of us.

Closing Narration

The recollections of one Michael Chambers, with appropriate flashbacks and soliloquy. Or, more simply stated, the evolution of man. The cycle of going from dust to dessert. The metamorphosis from being the ruler of a planet to an ingredient in someone’s soup. It’s tonight’s bill of fare from the Twilight Zone. 💫

Conclusion

Mr. Serling begs the viewer to consider the fall of man, from perfection to powerlessness. He demonstrates the cycle of life and the evolution of man – from ashes to ashes, funk to funky. We know Major Tom’s a junkie alright. Just look at the Kanamits. The earthlings receive no real service from the Kanamits, or Candidates as you’ll recall, much like elected candidates and politicians on Planet Earth who cannibalize the public. “Kanamit” and “cannibal” sound similar as well, and that is likely no accident either. The allegory is powerful.

Patty, the assistant to Mr. Chambers – a woman – seems to be the real hero of this tale, but she ran out of time to save the world with her Knowledge. She cracked the code, but no one would listen to her until it was too late. She always had doubt in her mind about the Kanamits, but she was dismissed. Patty eventually played along and even scheduled a trip to visit the alien planet, but she persisted in her quest to crack the code nevertheless. She trusted her intuition but no one trusted her. They trusted the Kanamits instead.

In the Old Testament, Eve’s desire for Knowledge supposedly causes the Fall of Man from his Garden of Eden fantasy. In this story, the female’s insatiable quest for Knowledge would actually save the day and thereby vindicates all Women. Patty would have been the heroine of this tale if only her instincts had been trusted by Man. However, the tragic cycle of history repeats because a woman speaks but is not heard. Her reservations are ignored and her instincts brushed off. If only the cryptologist had listened to his assistant sooner, they could have saved the world together. Instead, Patty served man. She loyally served her boss and didn’t push him too hard. She deferred her intuition to him. In so doing, the two served no one at all. Instead, they led people to slaughter.

Perhaps women could learn an important lesson from this, too. Serving “Man” helps no one when Man’s motives are impure and they almost always are. Men have been ruling the world for centuries and the net gain to humanity is almost nil.

Trust your instincts above all else and keep your morals about you. The desperate quest for life doesn’t have to come a the expense of someone else’s.

To “Serve” Man?

November 22, 2022February 19, 2024 / Tigereye / Leave a comment

Tiger Tip No. 1: Don’t Polarize – The Definition of Polarization, How It Is Used in Media Relations, and Why It Is Bad for Your Business

July 1, 2022February 19, 2024 / Tigereye / Leave a comment

Gaslighting

We recently discussed the subject of gaslighting in depth here and wanted to further explore another example of it in the first of what will be many Tiger Tips. You’ll learn about what polarization is, how people use it in media relations, and why it’s bad for your business.

Tiger Tip No. 1: Don’t Do It!

There are various theoretical frameworks upon which public relations professionals may draw as tactics to use in their business. Like other fields, it’s up to the professional to choose the right approach. Sometimes, the approach people use is one of personal preference or business strategy. Other times, the nature of the business dictates their choice or it’s the ethics of the individual.

For example, people who work in the nonprofit sector often choose models of inclusion and unity while people who work in modern politics choose the tactic of polarization to engage with their audience in the public relations sphere. It’s a form of gaslighting.

The purpose of gaslighting and polarization are to gain control over unsuspecting people to convince them of thoughts, feelings, and actions related to your objective. Polarization gives power and control to the operator that uses it and removes the independent decision-making of the recipient. By reducing decisions to one out of two choices, people can be easily pigeonholed and profiled for predictions about their current and future behavior.

What Is Polarization?

Polarization is an aspect of collective behavior theory in social science. It is defined as the activity of forcing people to take sides on an issue and eliminating the middle ground. It’s the process of splitting society into two groups that are at opposite ends of a spectrum, or pole. People are said to be at one polar end or the other of any given issue.

Polarization is a tactic used as a means of gaining control over individuals or groups of people. Its use has increased over the past two decades, especially in the political sphere. Before it was widely used, the approach of unity was more popular. That tactic helps people identify with each other and with issues they share in common by focusing on their commonalities, the fact that people are more alike than different, and how we all share the same civic duty to society when considering critical issues.

People were making great strides in progress until that came to an abrupt halt as polarization’s use became rampant. Now, everyone is very individualistic and separate. Unity is hard to find.

A society that is divided, or polarized, has a low chance of success. Nevertheless, it’s a common go-to for many in politics and the media. Some public relations processionals make use of it on a daily basis to promote their clients to the general public.

How Do People Use Polarization in Media Relations?

Polarization in media relations takes the form of brainwashing, indoctrination, propaganda, and villainizing, to name a few approaches, or tactics. People are told what to think in order to fit in, which creates a gang culture, or mafia rule. In order to be part of the gang, or club, you have to think a certain way no matter how inaccurate it is – remember, gaslighting also deceives the victim about reality. In other words, victims are deceived about the truth. Polarization works through manipulation as a means of control over people by forcing them to choose between two feigned options.

Brainwashing

Brainwashing alters, or controls, the human brain by making use of certain psychological techniques to deceive the victim about reality and convince them of an alternate one. By reducing a person’s ability to think critically or independently, brainwashing allows for the introduction of alternate and unwanted thoughts or ideas that are reflected in attitudes, beliefs, and value systems.

The Manson Family is a prime example of brainwashing in criminal cult behavior, sparing the details of their crimes here. Suffice it to say that Charles Manson led a cult and brainwashed its members into thinking about their victims in a negative way so they would be convinced to murder innocent people. This is an extreme example of brainwashing, but it drives the point home.

A modern example would be the concept of Cancel Culture. Groups of people on the Internet – sometimes real and sometimes trolls – become convinced by a group leader, or influencer, of a certain reality about a person or business. This belief, which is not necessarily based on fact, motivates the group to remove the person from their lives and professional relationships in an aggressive way. Worse, the mob invades their personal lives and negatively impacts their work, home, and relationships in an effort to “cancel,” or erase the person from society. It’s sinister stuff.

Be wary if you find brain washing in public relations as a tactic to polarize you into taking a stance or action out of only two, narrow choices. Usually, there is nuance to every issue and social media is perception. People also make mistakes and learn. Whatever the reason, group think is limited and dangerous. Be wary if anyone takes offense to your line of questioning to see complexity; they are likely using polarization as a tactic against you. It’s disingenuous. They are trying to control you.

Indoctrination

Indoctrination is the process of manipulating and deceiving people with certain attitudes, cognitive strategies, ideas, or professional methodologies to retain long-term control over them. It’s a systemic form of manipulation and gaslighting.

Indoctrination is seen as negative because it removes free will and choice from individuals. Indoctrination imposes ideas and beliefs on people for control. It impacts their ability to make informed decisions, reflect on ideas, choose actions, and establish values. Indoctrination removes decision-making and eliminates choice by inserting the beliefs and values of one person into the cognitive thoughts and values of another person. Similarly, people are shown how to feel about certain topics and persons to polarize them. It’s an “Us” vs. “Them” model.

The example of Charles Manson further illustrates the tactic of indoctrination. He chose his disciples carefully for the qualities he felt would make it easy to deceive them. He then indoctrinated, or taught and trained them, in his extremist cult’s practices and religion. He established a set of cultural norms and values that his followers all held, without getting into the specifics for ethical reasons. The indoctrinated members of his cult held a set of beliefs and behaviors they used to commit their crimes. He removed their ability to make decisions because they followed the path he laid out for them.

Indoctrination is often associated with dogmatic religions and the military, as just a few examples. They use it to keep control over the large bodies of people who are members of their group. There is a polar end of a spectrum that people who use indoctrination fall on (Our Team and Their Team), leaving only two sides to any one issue. Some public relations professionals may indoctrinate the public to their client’s point of view through repeated use of polarized media. This leaves out everyone else in between the two sides of the pole.

Propaganda

Propaganda is used to influence, or persuade, an audience to further an agenda. The agenda is usually not objective, or a different tactic would be used. People who avail themselves of propaganda cherry-pick facts in an effort to portray a narrative. Propaganda establishes a set of beliefs and values in the person subjected to it. Often, propaganda makes use of heavy emotional rhetoric and imagery to invoke strong feelings in a person and persuade them to think and act in certain ways out of fear.

You may have heard about military propaganda ads used by countries at war that motivate citizens to join the army and fight the “Other” side. This is a form of polarization. There’s the good guys and the bad guys, which leads to dehumanization.

In the media, you see propaganda widely used in political ads. There are even personal attacks that contain damaging untruths in these ads. The goal is to persuade the public that the other person is a villain, which is one polar end of the Hero and Villain spectrum.

Vilification

Vilification makes foes out of people. To elaborate, if you vilify a group of people, you identify them as the enemy. They are at one end of the pole and you are at the other end. They are bad and you are good. They are the Villain and you are the Hero. You portray them as evil and wrong; you are right and good, whether true or not.

For example, people with mental illness may be vilified as “less than able” to make their own decisions in a concept known as ableism, which is a form of prejudice against people with disabilities. It is based on the belief that the person controlling someone else is somehow better than them, which is not true. The person with mental illness is vilified if people instill fear and condemnation in others about that person. Britney Spears was vilified by the media and is still trying to repair the damage done to her professional and personal reputation.

Another form of vilifying takes place in political ads. One side shows their opponent as a villain and depicts them as the evil doer to gain your vote, or control your decision-making. There are only two sides, or poles – good vs. evil. The villain isn’t you. It’s always the the other person. In reality, life is a bit more complex than that.

Alternatives to Polarization

Instead, try a different approach. Perform a market analysis to identify gaps and needs that your business is meeting. Share customer satisfaction stories and personal testimonials with the public as part of your PR strategy. Provide information to the public as content marketing and inspire them to support your business or cause as you use the media to deliver your message. Leave your audience with a good feeling in all of your public relations.

Tell your personal story, lay out how your product or service is meeting that need, and set the stage for growth to demonstrate the possibilities. This creates a sense of forward movement people want to be a part of – it keeps things moving and people like that. Then, lead your audience to your call to action as they’re in the right frame of mind. This approach works. It’s the person’s choice, and you’re not controlling them.

If you instill a sense of inspiration and hope in your business and the future, you set the tone for collaboration instead of polarization and fighting. There is no “Us” against “Them.” There is only “We” in the spirit of partnership. People have a choice about whether or not they partner with you, but you’ve made it really hard for them not to do so.

Remember, all human decisions are based on feeling. Create the right feeling for your business as it relates to the public through media, no matter what line of work you’re in or what you do. That leads people to your product and/or service, converts them into customers who refer their family and friends, and engages them for retention in many years to come.

Why is Polarization Bad for Your Business?

Suffice it to say that business ethics is a hot topic among professionals. Individuals must also hold a personal set of ethics to guide their actions in life. Public relations is no different. People have to ask themselves who they want to be and what sort of businesses models they want to support as employees or entrepreneurs.

Unity and inclusion models lead to positive business outcomes and better societies over polarization models. Polarization leads to strife and eternal conflict. If you give people education and the freedom to make their own decisions, they are happier and find their role in life and business. If you share truth with the public and allow for divergent points of view, then you achieve democracy in business and life instead of a virtual civil war and a competitive business model.

Whether within yourself, your business, or society as a whole, Darwinism leads people to fight with each other under a polarization model. Inclusion models don’t polarize people into taking a side while deceiving the other side, which leads to a winner-take-all approach. Inclusion models are win-win.

There are many strengths-based community engagement and business models you can use to promote your business instead of gaslighting and polarization. Do a bit of research and choose the model that feels right to you as a professional and person. Interview prospective public relations professionals if you choose to work with one. Ask them about their approach – their strategies and tactics to media engagement. You will find someone who is a good match for your business. Just let your conscience be your guide. If you manage your own PR, please don’t polarize or gaslight people. There’s always a better way.

Happy PRIDE Month!

June 1, 2022February 19, 2024 / Tigereye / Leave a comment

One Love | One Life

Gaslighting: What It Is, What Are the Signs & What You Can Do To Stop It

April 1, 2022February 19, 2024 / Tigereye / 1 Comment

Gaslighting: What It Is, What Are the Signs & What You Can Do To Stop ItWhat is Gaslighting?

Gaslighting is no joking matter. We felt it imperative to post this public service announcement about gaslighting on April 1, which is traditionally April Fool’s Day. We’re posting this now because gaslighting is a pattern of behavior intended to fool the person that the perpetrator wants to deceive and control, and it can happen person-to-person or systemically. Yes, people can be gas lit by entire networks of bad actors, whether they are conscious of it or not.

Those who are mostly unaware of their sinister actions would be explained by a type of “Eichmann Effect,” as it’s called in the field of social science, that we will discuss at a later date. To quote Eichmann, “I was merely a cog in the machinery that carried out the directives and the orders of the German Reich.”

Indeed, gaslighting is a tool that is used by people with sinister intentions to disempower and control unsuspecting people and sometimes the perpetrator is unaware of their part in a corrupt system. Most often, people who commit gaslighting know exactly what they are doing.

Think of Britney Spears and how she was treated by the cruel media at the time she was placed in a conservatorship – they beat her up about everything! It was a sick culture. Not everyone in the media treated her poorly mind you, but the majority did. They are the ones who search for stories that exploit people and remain on the attack to this day.

At the time she entered her conservatorship, it felt as though they were driving her mad on purpose for a juicier story, to speak colloquially – and after she had babies! We couldn’t help but wonder how they could ethically harass someone likely suffering from postpartum depression just because she was famous.

Anyone can be a victim of gaslighting. We see it all the time. It’s the source of many songs of inspiration, chasing what is a ragged tiger. To stop gaslighting, knowing what it is and what the signs are make up half the battle; the other half is saving yourself from it.

Gaslighting is a pattern of manipulation intended to make victims trust the perpetrator while questioning their own reality. It is a form of mental and emotional abuse that takes advantage of a person’s natural inclination toward trust and attachment. After the perpetrator instills a deep sense of trust in their victims, they begin the effort to trick and deceive the person of what they know with their own mind, through their own five senses.

Yes, gaslighting is used to gain power and control over people by placing them in a weaker position than the perpetrator. The victim gets lost in a sea of altered reality that in no way reflects the truth of their existence because the perpetrator has absolute and total authority over their surroundings and perceptions. Victims eventually question their sanity as it becomes increasingly more difficult to separate fact from fiction in their worlds.

For example, in the classic film Gaslight from which the term “gaslighting” was derived, a bad actor tricks his wife into thinking she is mad. He convinces her that she stole jewelry by hiding it in her purse. He tells her friends that she is insane. He also alters the gas lights in their house while convincing his wife that they are exactly the same; he makes his wife believe that her observations are all in her head, which causes her to question her own sanity. She doesn’t even believe herself anymore.

The good news is that through awareness, you can break the cycle of gaslighting and remove yourself from the situation. Once you know that there is such a thing as gaslighting and that many people are victims of it daily, you can normalize its existence and see past your circumstances. That way, you can remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible.

Oftentimes, the gas lighter is in a tremendous position of power and control over your surroundings, so you may need some professional help to remove yourself from the person and situation, especially if that person is a close friend or someone with whom you live. You may even be mired in legal battles to free yourself. But the good news is that you can set yourself free from gaslighting when you know the signs and get help.

If the entire system is against you, document your experiences and seek legal counsel. In short, there are many things you can do to save and protect yourself. For example, we knew a woman who was the victim of domestic violence by her husband, who was a police officer, and he brought the entire force against her. No one would believe her. He convinced them she was a liar. That’s a difficult situation in which to be, especially when there are children involved.

What Are the Signs of Gaslighting?

Two plus two no longer equals four in the mind of the person deceived by gaslighting. In reality, it still does of course but they can no longer believe it. Over time, gaslighting causes a person to question what they hear, see, and feel. The perpetrator afflicting the gaslighting convinces their victims of many false narratives over time after taking actions specifically to deceive the person. They may change something slightly in the environment. Maybe you left a note on your desk and it’s gone now or it’s been moved. You may notice the pattern. The perpetrator may tell you it’s not true, ad infinitum. You begin to question what you know. They may repeat things like:

“It’s all in your head.”

“You’re nuts! That never happened!”

“No one believes you!”

“You can trust me. We’ve known each other forever!”

“Why would I do that?”

“You’re too sensitive!”

“Lighten up!”

“This has been happening a lot. Are you ok?”

Many abusers use gaslighting to control their victims. This is what R. Kelly did while blackmailing them at the same time. He set up his victims and recorded everything. He committed his crimes on a large scale at the systematic level.

The gaslighting itself can happen on a small or large scale. It may be used just to mess with you every now and then at the workplace or home, or it may be used to defraud you of your hard-earned money. It is common to see gaslighting in social situations and regular human affairs. It’s part of the games people play in every day life, which are not ok.

There are many techniques that perpetrators use to gaslight their victims to retain complete and total control over them. Usually, they’re hiding something, like a lifestyle they want to keep secret from their partner or friend. Other times, they wish to conceal the motives of their puppet master, as it were. By keeping you confused and lost, they veil their true intentions.

A few approaches gas lighters use are:

Instilling a sense of trust in the person coupled with guilt
- I love you but you owe me (implicit)
Love bombing
- I love you to the moon and back! (too much and too soon)
Giving with one hand and taking with the other
- I give you so much, why would I take from you?
Pathological lying
- I promise you on my late father’s grave this is true (I would never lie)!
Distorting reality
- That’s not what happened. I can prove it! (disbelief/lying/interrogating)
Withholding information and hiding facts
- That never happened! (omission)
Trivializing circumstances and minimizing
- It’s not a big deal! (when in reality it is according to most people)

There are a host of other techniques gas lighters use to deceive their victims and convince them of a reality that isn’t true to hide their intentions. They exploit your trust in them and your natural instinct to attach to people. Women are often targets because we can sometimes (or oftentimes) defer our own sense of what is right to others through conditioning, but anyone can be a victim. It’s a trap and it’s not your fault.

What Can You Do to Stop Gaslighting?

Once you discover that you are the victim of gaslighting, you can seek help, talk to professionals, and join a support group. There are many other people like you who are victims. You are not alone. There are people who can help remove you from your circumstances, too.

Recovery from gaslighting requires a lot of time and support. You will likely need help to gain back trust. You may have trauma to work through to form a healthy attachment with someone again. If you think this might be you, we suggest you talk to a professional and seek help. It can be difficult to pull yourself from the mire, but with the assistance of others, you can live a perfectly normal life and one with healthy trust and attachment once more.

Break the Bias

March 8, 2022February 19, 2024 / Tigereye / Leave a comment

Just Say No!

Today is International Women’s Day, which we’ll call IWD for short. Each year, there’s a theme that advances equity for women and females worldwide. IWD is marked on March 8 annually to celebrate the achievements of women and issue a call to action for parity. (Parity is equal treatment). To mark the event, many people support women’s charities and hold events throughout March, as it is also Women’s History Month.

Women’s History Month is celebrated by the Library of Congress and other prominent authorities to commemorate and encourage the study and celebration of women worldwide. In 1981, Congress declared the week beginning March 7, 1982 as Women’s History Week and celebrated it for the next five years until it designated Women’s History Month through a joint resolution beginning in 1987. Each president subsequently issued proclamations declaring Women’s History Month since 1995.

This year’s theme is “Break the Bias,” and people are encouraged to participate in activities that break gender bias, discrimination, and stereotypes about women and those invisible glass ceilings we always seem to bump against, whether in our personal or professional lives. We are still a good way off from real progress, unfortunately. In a show of solidarity, people of all genders are encouraged to strike a pose with their arms crossed in X formation, as if to say, “No more!” You are encouraged to post the image on social media and other outlets with the hashtag #BreakTheBias. So, are you in or not?

What Is the Bias?

For centuries, there have been literal and figurative limits put on women and gender non-conforming females. Why? That question is a loaded one and it always delves into the political side of life. It shouldn’t because we’re dealing with human rights, but it does due to history. Rather than discuss such a loaded question, instead, we will simply outline exactly what the bias has been that’s still holding us back since we agree as a nation to treat all people equally.

Sometimes, there are overt narratives and actions (explicit bias) that hold women back. Other times, the narrative is hidden, or implied (implicit bias). And still, in other cases the system is designed to hold women down (systemic bias). One narrative we heard a lot in our past life on a covert level was, “You can’t be a successful female CEO and raise a family at the same time.” Man, that’s an old one! Naturally, we worked twice as hard as everyone else just to prove ourselves. You wouldn’t believe how prevalent that myth still is, despite the inception of the Family and Medical Leave Act and women entering the workplace after WWII. Mind you, women would have been more prevalent in the workplace prior to that time if not for social norms.

Some ancient trades have always been open to women but by and large, the concept of working women is still a fairly new one, and the trades open to us have been severely limited due to our gender! For example, women who choose to work in the skin trade aren’t treated as equals. We still aren’t paid the same for equal work in most fields, either. Newsflash: You might be afforded equal protection under the law, but good luck availing yourself of that protection! In reality, it’s easier said than done. If you don’t have access to legal counsel and you experience discrimination, we wish you the best of luck getting justice.

Other biases include limits on what women should wear, where women should go, what women should do, how women should act, how women should talk, and what women should talk about! The list is practically endless, and it’s always determined by cultural norms and values.

Women are not allowed to be brave, bold, loud, or proud. We are conditioned to be deferential. We have centuries of conditioning to shake off and just as many years’ worth of actual societal limits to move past if we want equal treatment, not just equal rights. Never forget that we were the LAST people to earn the right to vote in the year 1920. Men were given that right first. They were given that right. WE had to work for it.

How to Break the Bias

So how do you break the bias? First, you recognize that it exists and that it’s still prevalent in our society despite active efforts to make progress. Bias is a natural instinct that becomes extinct the more educated we become as people and as a society. Once you are aware of your bias, you can take active steps toward changing it. Leading with equity in all that you do is a great start. Make conscious choices to promote fairness and equal treatment among your peers, at the workplace, and in your networks. Lead by example. It never hurts to advocate for women when you see an unfair policy or practice. Many women still live in fear of retribution if they speak out. Perhaps you can be their voice.

Don’t assume that all women and females are weak and meek, though. Rather, simply know that we have a lot more progress to make and check your assumptions. Don’t assume that we have fair and equal treatment just because it’s the 21st Century. We’re not there yet. Take this time to study women’s history – learn what we’ve been through and what we still must overcome. When you research and remind yourself of our past and present, you’ll understand why we still need moments like this.

What You Can Do

You can register with International Women’s Day to access resources and share your photos. You can post news of events you’re holding during March and network with other people who support women’s rights.

Most importantly, you should promote and support women year-round and people who don’t conform to the binary. Macroscopic change happens on a microscopic level – in your communities, hometowns, and households. It happens in the workplace and among leaders. If you’re in a position of influence, lend your platform to those who don’t have one. You would be surprised at how much progress we can make together when we treat each other as equals.

Ending the Bias

There is talk among media and public relations professionals about whether to celebrate International Women’s Day and Women’s History Month. Some people want progress now and a world where gender no longer matters. Others understand that we still have more progress to make together before we achieve equity. We see value in celebrating IWD along with many partners from around the globe. You could be one of them. It’s entirely up to you. If you are among those who provide equal opportunities to women year-round, we thank you.

#InternationalWomensDay2022
#BreakTheBias
#AboutTime
#TimesUp
#IWD

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