The Return… of the Man Who Stole a Leopard

Photo of a snow leopard crouching to pounce in green grass.

“Snow Leopard” by Captain Chickenpants is licensed under CC BY-NC-ND 2.0

The Banality of Evil: A Fairy Story

I can’t read about it
Burns the skin from your eyes
I’ll do fine without it
Here’s one you don’t compromise
Lies come hard in disguise
They need to fight it out
Not wild about it
Lay your seedy judgements
Who says they’re part of our lives?

You own the money
You control the witness
I’ll leave you lonely
Don’t monkey with my business
You pay the prophets to justify your reasons
I heard your promise, but I don’t believe it.

That’s why I’ve done it again.


Why such a strong start? Well, some of us have to cope with challenges to reality with art.


Two people shaking hands

Skin Trade, Photo by cottonbro studio

It all started with a handshake between “good-looking” White Men … “the successful business merger.” Now, Leopard is Invisible because of it.

“Some joke, huh,” Leopard thinks. “We’ll see who gets the last laugh. Karma’s a bigger bitch than I am,” she thought. She did wonder, though, “How will I survive in the Wild while The Beasts keep me caged? How’d it happen anyway? How did I get here? Why does it keep happening? What can I do to stop it?”

It began one afternoon as Captain Chickenpants entered the meeting room late, disorganized, and disheveled, his usual MO. He had no good reason for his usual state; it’s not like he had a family, like Leopard who was successfully managing his affairs and the business of this great state we call the land of…well, Rumor has that one under lock and key.

Nevertheless, this literal rock star rolled into the meeting well after it started, expecting everyone to just drop everything for him. Captain Chickenpants was very used to people catering to him as a local celebrity.

As Chickenpants entered the meeting room, Chief Damntheman looked him in the eyes, gave him The Shake, and proceeded to make a motion to move the monies from Leopard’s protective watch to his wife’s careful guard, a clear conflict of interest that Leopard raised during the meeting only to be met with viscous disapproval.

Chief Damntheman’s wife was known as The Wicked Witch by Leopard – a name given to her by Leopard after she revealed her true colors, mind you. Before that, she gained Leopard’s trust. She was the “steward” of “higher” education, after all – another tough Texan with a background in psychology and education. So what could go wrong? She was ethical and trustworthy, right? I mean, you have to be to work in the field, right? Right?!

It was unfathomable to Leopard that the Wicked Witch could be anything but trustworthy due to her professional background, and being trained in the same discipline herself, Leopard gave the Wicked Witch the benefit of the doubt, at first. But later, her sinister plans were revealed.

“Leopard doesn’t know shit anyway,” Damntheman recalled as he thought of her quick wit and wild ways, even though he knew that she had been “tamed,” so to speak. Mind you, anything that anyone else did the same as Leopard was given a free pass, but Leopard? Nah, anything she does is wrong, bad, evil! (They say this so They can steal and copy Leopard – pretend she’s “crazy” to jack her shit. This is gaslighting at its finest.)

Damntheman was of the “respectability politics” camp and They always knew that Leopard didn’t belong, but she’d sure bust her ass for you and she happens to know her shit like fire, so why not use her ’till she’s dried up and then throw her to the wolves?

Photo of a hungry wolf

Hungry Like the Wolf | Photo by Steve

Damntheman owns many businesses throughout the state – from medical to commercial properties – and has his tentacles in both the public and private sectors, in addition to being a real estate broker and politico. The guy’s a regular empire builder and he’s embedded everywhere – well known and loved by both sides of the political spectrum, but known to be a double-crosser and liar of the deep state variety.

So when Damntheman thought just how “easy” Leopard would be to jack to himself, Captain Chickenpants responded silently in kind during the meeting. “Roger that,” he said to Damntheman in his creepy-assed telepathic mind as they met eyes.

Never mind that “the successful business merger” was a clear conflict of interest.  Damntheman was married to the Wicked Witch, who worked in a key position for the Queen of Old Hexico.

“There’s nothing to see here,” They acted as they whistled in the wind.

Leopard knew there was a problem and it was her duty to report it so when Leopard felt safe, she told the Powers that Be and she gave it up to God, as they say. Naturally, “They” came for her when she did that and They came for her again when she tried to rectify the situation, yet again, and again, and again, and again, ad infinitum.  And here she remains to this day, entrapped.

Who are They anyway? They know a lot, don’t They? They do, whomever They are (usually public relations snakes and politicians).

Photo of a snake that is about to bite

The Union of the Snake | Photo by Donald Tong

Leopard knew what happened wasn’t ethical and it wasn’t Right, but it was a done deal. Leopard always knew there was no justice in this world, so she wasn’t surprised. She expected it. After They ultimately took her charge away from her and the rest of the pride, she carried on with the rest of her life in the absence of any Pride due to Their abuse. They handed her contract to the Opposition – a collective of animals who were originally on her side and under her charge free from the constraints of bullshit, but Damntheman and The Wicked Witch coaxed the Others onto their side; They came for Leopard with all of Their Might over what was Right – and animals they were. They tore her to shreds and locked her up in a gilded cage.

Leopard tried to lick her wounds and limp along in captivity but Captain Chickenpants and Chief Damntheman would not leave her alone. They would not let her out of her trap, nor let the beatings subside! ”Leopard knows too much,” They thought silently to themselves. “And Leopard talks. That bitch has a way with words. We must annihilate her!” “They” were scared, so They determined to Rule with an Iron Fist, and they beat Leopard some more, and then again and again and again. Just as Leopard would heal from one round of wounds, They would be ready to dole out more, never once letting her recover from any round of beatings as a form of psychological warfare.

“If we can’t kill her literally, we’ll just do it slowly over time and maybe Leopard will do the work for us, if you know what I mean…” thought Damntheman.

“I do,” thought Captain Chickenpants.

“They didn’t think to buy me off with a legal settlement and NDA?” Leopard wondered throughout the beatings. “They were actually going to blackmail me instead? Frame me? Entrap me? I guess since I’m not already wealthy and powerful, a settlement isn’t an option for folks like us. We just get crushed. Ok! (not really).”

“What a ‘manly’ reaction,” Leopard thought. “How does this help anyone, such as the other animals who I worked so hard to protect? It hurts, and it hurts ME MOST!” she thought as her wounds oozed with infection. “Why fight the good fight?” she now wonders. “Do good when no one is looking. Karma is a bitch.” Leopard finds solace in those words.

Hell, it was an easy move to make. The structure of Leopard’s trap wasn’t a fair one, but Leopard tried to make it so. She knew that the ever-connected Damntheman had traps set everywhere. Despite this, she tried to give freedom to all animals on earth. Leopard managed to do this with equality and fairness until she had to tend to her own private needs. Therefore, when Leopard was pregnant with her first cub and again with her second, They came for her. The merger happened just as she birthed her first child. Leopard was in no position to battle as she once was, but this new soldier will fight with fire and so will her brother, the Wolf.

Photo of a sleeping wolf

A View to a Kill | Photo by Darshak Pandya

Leopard was, and still is, a hard working, trusting, and well-meaning sort of Leopard, so inside of her cage she remains to this day, a victim of entrapment. The beatings still occur when the heavens flare up (such as when the sun or moon are in Scorpio). It’s like They know when it happens with their sixth senses, so they strike at that time to keep Leopard in her place, tightly held in her prison.

Naturally, evil enters the hearts of the weak and the faint, so everyone in the wild fell pray to what transpired. They didn’t resist it. They didn’t fight it, as they once had. They didn’t even know what was Good anymore. All they saw was profit by partnering with Damntheman and Chickenpants – CYA. They saved their own asses. They compromised their standards for selfishness and profit, for greed…

Now just remember, there’s always a backstory, and there’s more to this one.

Two people shaking hands

What happened to Leopard sounds a lot like the plot to Animal Farm by George Orwell, the prophet. Every person who can read in the United States has *hopefully* read Animal Farm. It used to be required reading and should still be required in areas where it is not. You can read it now. There’s nothing stopping you, and of course you should also read Nineteen Eighty-Four by the same soothsayer and generally awaken your mind so you don’t fall pray to anyone.

Orwell’s recurrent themes center on the banality of evil in the form of human corruption within institutions and systems. In particular, he was obsessed with the rejection of totalitarianism and his contemporaries for their failure to protest against the corrupt world they lived in and well, we might have a case of that here. You see, the animals rose against Leopard because “They” dangled red meat before them in the form of Leopard’s contract – cash and power. Rather than side with Right as they had always done against these long assaults from the Forces – who were trying to take down Leopard for two decades – they took the side of Might.

The move to take Leopard’s charge was made fully during a worldwide plandemic of Biblical proportions. The Forces put the nail in Leopard’s coffin when the world was weak this time, as Evil does – They struck when everyone was down, not just Leopard. The other animals were made to turn against Leopard, based on lies spread by The Wicked Witch, Damntheman, and Chickenpants. Had they any shred of integrity or wisdom themselves, they would not have fallen for such lies, but they were promised a major cash reward for going along with the plan.

Leopard knew that old MO. It was the same red meat that Damtheman dangled before Leopard after she had her first cub. Damntheman promised to secure the monies for Leopard unprovoked. Leopard never asked for unfair advantage. It was quite the opposite – Leopard believes in merit, not collusion.

“It helps to have an ace in the hole,” Damntheman told Leopard as he illegally awarded the contract to Leopard’s agency.

“But I never asked for this…this is wrong,” thought Leopard. Leopard had no one to tell. Her board was in on the fix. So was the Queen.

Therefore, when the winds of change blew the other direction and The Forces decided that Leopard was too independent and objective – truly mission-based, in other words, They decided it was time to strike, as she had outlived her usefulness and must be “put to pasture…permanently…and silenced,” They thought.

“Yes, Leopard knows too much…and the bitch remembers, too,” Damntheman thought and he conveyed his orders to eliminate Leopard to Captain Chickenpants.

“Roger that” Captain Chickenpants thought in his creepy-assed telepathic mind.

But don’t worry, because time will tell the story and so will this author – in other words, in other worlds…

Twelve voices were shouting in anger, and they were all alike. No question, now, what had happened to the faces of the pigs. The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.

– Animal Farm, George Orwell

Photo of a pig in mud

Still Breathing | Photo by Samira

A wild animal can turn into a corrupt, “domesticated” Human, as in Animal Farm. It can turn against the Good it had in nature before it became something Other, that which is tapped into the Bad. It’s social Darwinism. So why be Human, then, in a world with no Mercy?

No matter what you call it, a pig is still a pig. Go ahead – put lipstick on it. It is what it is. You’re not gonna change it. And in that sense, being piggish is exactly what this fairy tale is about.
(Breaks down the 4th Wall to the 5th Dimension)

Are you trapped on Manor Farm, too? Or are you entrapped, like Leopard?

Would you rather live with the animals who are wild and free, as Leopard once was?

You decide. These are social constructs of your own device.